Juan’s Two Cents – The 85th Academy Award Nominees Edition
Just like last year, I made an obscenely long list of all the positives and negatives that came with the Oscar nominees. This year, I’ve got a whole lot of frustrations, so get ready for a whole lot of bitching. Remember people, these are my mostly instant reactions to the wonderful world of the Academy. Some of these are popular and some will leave many surprised. So, y’know, whatever. Have fun.
- Likely Winner: Lincoln 
- Most Deserving: Django Unchained 
- Alternate Most Deserving: Argo 
- Snubbed: The Master , Moonrise Kingdom , and Killer Joe 
- Pleasant Surprise: Django Unchained. While Tarantino is missing on the director ballot, it’s still really lovely to see Django up for a BP award.
- Biggest “Fuck You”: Les Misérables  reminds us all that even if you have no fucking clue how to do anything important to a film, all you need is a really fucking big sob story to slide into the best picture category. Seriously though. Tom Hooper’s direction is absolute shit, the lead performances are messy, and even though you’ve got a few great supporting performances and some nice costume design, you’ve still got an ultimately mediocre at best film on your hands.
- Likely Winner: Steven Spielberg for Lincoln
- Most Deserving: Ang Lee for Life of Pi 
- Snubbed: Paul Thomas Anderson for The Master & Ben Affleck for Argo
- Glad You’re Not Here: Tom Hooper for Les Misérables
- Biggest “Fuck You”: Everybody here except for Ang Lee. Haneke’s Amour is one of his coldest pieces yet regardless of impressive performances, Zeitlin is apparently nominated for Shaky Ass Cam: The Movie , Spielberg has no clear style or aim throughout what should have been titled The Fourteenth Amendment, and O. Russell’s mental illness romcom is probably the most deserving in this undeserving bunch which makes no sense because it’s not even all that great.
- Likely Winner: Daniel Day-Lewis for Lincoln
- Most Deserving: Joaquin Phoenix for The Master
- Snubbed: Matthew McConaughey for Killer Joe
- Pleasant Surprise: After losing all hope, I nearly cried joyful tears this morning when Joaquin Phoenix showed up on the screen between Seth MacFarlane’s terrible fucking jokes.
- Why Should I Give A Shit?: Surprise: I shouldn’t. I don’t really care enough about this category to bitch, but I don’t think anyone else deserves a nomination here that much. I mean, there’s a billion people more deserving than this bunch, but whatever. I’m not surprised that DDL is taking another one home for what was practically a guest spot in a miniseries about the fourteenth amendment. It’s the fucking Academy.
- Likely Winner: Jessica Chastain for Zero Dark Thirty
- Most Deserving: Naomi Watts for The Impossible 
- Snubbed: Keira Knightley for Anna Karenina  and Marion Cotillard for Rust & Bone
- Pleasant Surprise: I was getting pretty nervous about Watts getting a nomination in this one with the competition looking tight at first, and I adore her so friggin much. Plus, she gives a hell of a performance in it.
- Why Should I Give A Shit?: Another category where I frankly don’t care. I love Chastain, but I didn’t care for Zero Dark Thirty as much as everyone else. I dug Lawrence in Silver Linings Playbook, but it’s not really a performance worth giving an Oscar to. Riva was easily the best part of Amour no matter how I feel about the film as a whole, and I’m in the immense minority when I say Wallis was just serviceable in her 90% narration role.
- Likely Winner: Tommy Lee Jones for Lincoln
- Most Deserving: Philip Seymour Hoffman for The Master
- Snubbed: Leonardo DiCaprio for Django Unchained & Matthew McConaughey for Magic Mike 
- Why Should I Give A Shit?: Again. No one should.
- Likely Winner: Anne Hathaway for Les Misérables
- Most Deserving: Anne Hathaway for Les Misérables
- Snubbed: Nicole Kidman for The Paperboy 
- Huh???: Jacki Weaver for Silver Linings Playbook??? She was in it for a whole of five minutes and I can’t really say that she left any impression on me whatsoever.
More nominees on the next page!