Juan’s Two Cents – The 85th Academy Award Nominees Edition
- Likely Winner: Mark Boal for Zero Dark Thirty
- Most Deserving: Wes Anderson & Roman Coppola for Moonrise Kingdom
- Snubbed: Paul Thomas Anderson for The Master
- Go Away: Everything that isn’t Django Unchained or Moonrise Kingdom. Like I said earlier, Amour is cold and distant, and the others are nothing that special.
- Likely Winner: Tony Kushner for Lincoln
- Most Deserving: Chris Terrio for Argo
- Snubbed: Tracy Letts for Killer Joe & Andy Wachowski, Lana Wachowski and Tom Tykwer for Cloud Atlas
- Biggest “Fuck You”: Ben Zeitlin & Lucy Alibar for Beasts of the Southern Wild. It’s a bunch of scenes loosely tied together that relies on a child’s narration to keep it moving. And that doesn’t work in my book. But everyone and their mothers are masturbating over it, so I guess I’m in the minority here. I’d also like to throw in a big fat fuck you to Kushner’s Lincoln because I’ve never seen a movie try to shoehorn in its lead actor as much as this one did considering the entire plot revolved around a bunch of white guys yelling at each other with an occasional guest spot from Lincoln.
- Likely Winner: Frankenweenie 
- Most Deserving: This is one of the few times that I have three films that I think are totally worthwhile candidates at winning. Frankenweenie, Paranorman ,and Wreck-It Ralph  are all great animated films. Each of them deserve their nomination and I’d be happy with a win from any.
- Huh???: Brave?  I mean, I know why it’s here. It’s fucking Pixar. Does that mean it’s a great animated film? Nah. Of the short list, Le Tableau  alone could serve as a better replacement. I never saw The Pirates, so I won’t bother talking about that one.
Foreign Language Film
- Likely Winner: Amour
- Most Deserving: I haven’t seen a single one of these aside from Amour, so I’m unprepared, but I’m going to go ahead and go with A Royal Affair because of Mads Mikkelsen.
- Breaks My Heart: France didn’t submit Holy Motors  instead of the boring, make dumb people feel-good Intouchables.
- Likely Winner: Janusz Kaminski for Lincoln OR Claudio Miranda for Life of Pi
- Most Deserving: You can’t make me pick. I love four out of five of these so much. There is no way I could pick between McGarvey, Richardson, Miranda, and Deakins.
- Breaks My Fucking Heart: This will mark the tenth time Roger Deakins loses for cinematography (for Skyfall this year ). I’d also like to throw in a reminder that he didn’t even win the year he was nominated twice (Jesse James/No Country).
- Biggest “Fuck You”: Janusz Kaminski. I guess you can talk about how he makes a movie all about white people talking at each other look sort of nice, but holy fuck, is the camera work moody as hell. And those profile shots. Please. We get it. He’s Lincoln. He’s on a fucking penny. Fuck off.
- Likely Winner: The Gatekeepers
- Most Deserving: The Invisible War
- I haven’t seen four of these, so moving on I guess…
Next page for the final bunch!