Who Needs “Friends”?

Season 3

With Season 2’s preview stating that Pucks! is suffering in the ratings and everyone’s trying to save the show at any cost, the first move would be to keep Pucks! just barely alive for Season 3 to exist. We also need to keep the tension going between Matt, Sean and Beverly because it’s the show’s selling point and makes for the most enjoyable moments.

Then we’ll need Merc Lepidus (John Pankow) to get a new actress for the show in hopes of elevating the ratings. He name-drops some of USA’s greatest actresses, but Matt suggests to hire Lisa Kudrow (playing as herself, and assume that Showtime still has Kudrow under their payroll) instead. Merc obeys and we get Kudrow.

What can we do with Lisa Kudrow? How about turning her into the main antagonist for Season 3?

At first, have her getting along with everyone (including the Brits) and things go well for a while. Until Matt fucks things up and Lisa not only turns against him, but she also inserts herself as Merc’s new lover, pissing off Carol (Kathleen Rose Perkins), but the blind Jamie Lepidus (Genevieve O’Reilly) doesn’t know about it yet. As Merc’s new lover, Lisa has power over the network and starts wrecking everyone in a self-destructive way. She can blackmail Matt about Jamie giving him a handjob while trolling Sean and Beverly non-stop over creative changes that even Sean, who is more optimistic about things than Beverly, would find them inane.

And the antagonism goes on until Merc realizes the damage, and the Season 3 finale has him recruiting four actors to save the network… which turns out to be NBC. Yes, NBC. If HBO was able to pimp CBS during the eighth season of Entourage — which included using Scott Caan and Johnny Galecki, name-dropping Mike and Molly, Drama’s monkey-animated tv show soon to air on the channel, and even using a building with the channel’s logo — then BBC and Showtime could do the same for NBC.

Season 4

Season 4 could go with NBC setting up a new season of Friends because the ratings for Community, Parks and Recreation and The Office will never increase. And Pucks! (starring LeBlanc) has been cancelled. But they still believe in the star power of Friends. Enter the other four actors (in separate episodes), keep Kudrow as an antagonist and then build-up the salvation of NBC. The season finale has all the six “friends” reunited (just like Season 7 of Curb Your Enthusiasm pulled off the Seinfeld reunion) — along with a surprise cameo by Paul Rudd, since he ended up as Phoebe’s husband during Season 10 — and the cliffhanger would be if it succeeds or not in the ratings. Season 5 could go back to focusing on Matt’s career and the British writers again to close the series once and for all.