Need for Speed (2014)

Release date: March 14, 2014
Director: Scott Waugh
Video game by: Electronic Arts
Screenplay by: George Gatins
Cast: Aaron Paul, Dominic Cooper, Scott Mescudi, Imogen Poots, Ramón Rodriguez, Michael Keaton, Dakota Johnson, Rami Malek, Harrison Gilbertson

FAST CARS, B!TCHES! (In a lame movie, bitch.)

After being unfairly imprisoned for some years, Tobey Marshall (Paul) goes back into the world of fast cars to avenge the death of a beloved friend of his. Dino (Cooper), the guy that put him in prison, stole his girl (Johnson) and killed his friend (Gilbertson), is willing to risk anything and everything to stop Tobey from winning an important race that could potentially clear his name.

Yawn.

Need for Speed is a total waste of time and money. None of the action sequences are good. The music has NOTHING to do with the badass soundtrack the original video game had. The ending is predictable and it even adds an unconvincing 24-hour romance! Add accents, cheesy lines and a little bit of Michael Keaton and you get an idea of what this movie is about. Even though the cars were great, and looked quite fast, they weren’t able to save this film. Every sequence felt endless, and none of the supposed-to-be exciting and gripping moments managed to move me in any way.

I just wanted it to end as fast as possible.

To top it all off, every single performance was terrible! Breaking Bad fans will hate me because Aaron Paul is their God, but he was terrible in this. And so were Dominic Cooper and Imogen Poots, sadly. The romance I was telling you about? It didn’t work on screen. Sure, Poots and Paul are attractive, but they have no chemistry whatsoever. Paul’s Tobey Marshall acts too immaturely for someone who is desperate to be vindicated and seeking for revenge, making it impossible for someone to connect with his character. On the other hand, Cooper usually plays conflicted characters, whose charm and sexiness cause trouble all around. In here, however, he is essentially laughable.  While wearing a boyband-ish hairdo, he claims he will win because he has money. Come on, we all know he’s not going to! His lack of “villain charisma” doesn’t allow you to fear or respect him, making him extremely dull.

Now, I need to bring something up: Michael Keaton. What is he doing here? I honestly don’t know and I would certainly love to have a little discussion with his agent. I know, I know: paychecks are all that matter. But at what cost, career-wise speaking? Dude, you were Batman. Look at your life, look at your choices.

This film has to be one of the worst pieces of junk I’ve ever had the chance to watch. After almost 2 and a half hours of groaning and getting mad at the screen, I remember wishing I could go back in time and stop myself from deciding to give this monstrous film a try.

So, as a friend, I am telling you this: “son, just don’t.”

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